…because I say so
We tell kids to say sorry, say it “like they mean it”. Is this mostly to fulfill what we think society expects of us?
What are we really suggesting to them?
“You don’t need to experience empathy, as long as you pretend to”. “I am not interested in what you might be feeling, as long as you make me look good by faking society-approved good manners”.
What if we took the time to drop our worry of being seen as a bad parent and actually listen to the child, get down to their level and really understand their motives and distress? What if we modeled true apologizing, for them to see and understand at a time when they are open to absorbing it, and not when they are in the hot seat?
I strongly feel that teaching is at its core an inspired way to trigger an intrinsic love of learning in someone else. Placing a purely external expectation on someone without them having made that piece of information or behavior their own is bound to unravel once the external pressure is no longer there, or once the internal frustration of being inauthentic becomes too great.
(thoughts inspired by this good article)